In the interest of....

It is striking to me how quickly a life can change. One weekend you are at a birthday party for a darling 2-year-old, the next weekend, the marriage has fallen to pieces. Of course, we all know it didn’t happen that easily or quickly; there was dysfunction in the marriage even before the troubles surfaced for all the world to see.

In a few short days, or perhaps a month or two, after you’ve given it some time and realized it’s not going to work, you proceed with your plans. What will be the outcome for the children? You attempt a discussion with your estranged spouse. This is where the train switches tracks and heads for the dark tunnel, never to return. This is where it gets crazy. This is the twilight zone.

The next thing you know you are in a courtroom and a judge, whom neither of you has ever met, who has never laid eyes on your precious children and likely never will, is now, suddenly deciding what is in the best interest of your children. This after a hearing that lasts perhaps 45 minutes to two hours, depending on how much mud can get slung in round one.

Let this sink in for a moment. A judge, who does not know you or your family’s history together, is going to make a legal decision about what’s best for your children.

I don’t know how that strikes you, but it makes me mad.

A relationship is ending. That is painful for everyone. Some parents need a referee during this very tenuous time to help them act maturely for the benefit of their children so that they come to a common agreement as to how they will parent them. Instead what they generally choose is a boxing coach called a lawyer to give them pointers on delivering a one-two punch that will knock the other party down for the count. Sadly, the kids get knocked down too. They belong to both parents. When you eliminate a parent, you disenfranchise a kid.

When parents are fighting, the court needs to act in the best interest of the parents by equipping them to act in the best interest of their own children, for I firmly believe it is the parents, and not the courts, who know what is best for their children. When parents cannot agree, they are unwittingly making their children wards of the State.

If the courts mandated that before divorcing, parents go through “post-marriage” counseling classes together, including how to co-parent as single parents, and thereafter they had to formulate their own parenting plan, I believe the result would be fewer exploited and emotionally traumatized children.

That is truly in the interest of the child.


Anna